If you’ve ever spent more than just a few minutes speaking to me, I have no doubt that you have heard about my mom. As close as she and I are, she makes her way in to just about every conversation I have. One of my favorite stories to tell people is about the time she and I were driving around, looking at houses no doubt. I was still complaining about not being able to find a light enough shade of makeup for my wonderfully pale skin. My mom turns to me and says, “I know where we should go.” She states it so confidently and plainly that it captures my curiosity and I have to know what she’s realized that I have not. In all the seriousness she could muster she declares, “The morgue!”

Now, the reaction to this is usually a 50/50 split. Half of people are mortified that my own mother would say something like that and then they proceed to compliment my skin in an attempt to make me feel better. The other half will bust out laughing praising my mom’s sense of humor. Fortunately, I too fall into the latter category. After hearing that I should buy my makeup at the morgue since my paleness apparently reflects that of the dead, we bust out laughing together.

Curious minds may be wondering why I’m sharing this story. It’s not just to brag about how fun my mom is. I’ll tell you the reason. My mom taught me how to laugh at myself. Gasp! What kind of mom makes fun of her own child to teach them? The kind of mom that wants you to learn the realities of the world. If I could not learn to embrace myself as I am, then I would not survive. My mom always encouraged me to be myself and to love who God created me to be, but she also encouraged me to constantly better myself.

There have been numerous occasions where I have talked to my mom about something and she corrects my thinking. Whether it be on the subject of Christianity, a wife, a mother or a friend. She offers wisdom and council. Just as Titus 2:3 – 5 suggests. But on the flip side, there have many times when she offers no other wisdom or council other than to ask God. And let me tell you, more often than not I’m irritated when she says it because it would be so much easier if she just gave me the answer. But the reward when I find it on my own is worth it!

Had my mom not spent years beforehand building and nurturing a relationship with me, I would not have been able to type out that last few paragraphs. She spent the time to laugh with me, to teach me, rebuke me, correct me and point me back to God! As a mom, that is her God given job. Just as it is mine now. With my kids, it’s my turn now to build a relationship full of laughter and trust so that when the time comes for teaching, rebuking and correcting, they will trust what I say. Or rather don’t say.

I have been encouraged and challenged this past mother’s day to think on how my mom raised me. The countless stories we have with each other, often filled with laughter. I think of how she has encouraged me to love who I am, but challenges me to be better. I look at my kids now and I can only hope and pray that I am able to instill the same things in my relationship with them as she did with me. So here I am, challenging anyone who will read this. Laugh with your kids. Teach them to be silly and laugh at themselves. Tell them God created them just as they are, but we are not mean to stay as we are. Rebuke their behavior, but correct it too. But make sure that in all those things, there is laughter and love!

Titus 2:3 – 5

^“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”

Proverbs 22:6

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”

Grace. This word has been around me constantly for over a week now and I know why. For over 40 days I have been stuck in my house with an abundance of time on my hands to sit before the Lord. Have I? No. At least not like I know I could or rather should be. This has weighed heavily on my mind and I feel the guilt, but not enough to change what I’m doing. Every day I think, I’ll do that tomorrow! Then I wake to a new day and “tomorrow” never comes.

I praise God that His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23) because Lord knows I need them! I think of that scripture every day with a hope to do better the next. But then I wonder why it is that the scripture has “mercy” in it, but God keeps telling me “grace”. Mercy is when God keeps us from getting what we deserve while grace is God giving us what we don’t deserve. They are not the same thing.

Every day I thank Him for His perfect and unending mercy, because His promise of tomorrow is fulfilled when my promise of tomorrow is not. My broken promise is given the gift of His mercy, but He tells me grace! He has not only kept me from getting what I deserve, but He has given me what I don’t deserve. I don’t deserve His mercy, but His grace extends it to me. This thought alone is enough to bring me to my knees.

I’ve had the song “Holy Water” by We The Kingdom on repeat for this reason.

“I don’t want to abuse Your grace

God, I need it every day

It’s the only thing that ever really makes me want to change”

The only thing that makes me want to change! When God told me that His grace is the reason I have His mercy, it was enough to make me want to change. I don’t want to abuse or take advantage of His grace! He is faithful to His promise of new mercies every day. With that, I have hope for tomorrow. Why? Because my tomorrow finally came, it is today!

My parents love each other. I mean, they really love each other. I rarely hear them say any sort of complaint about the other. Which after 38 years of marriage, is quite impressive! One day at lunch my mom said to me, “The first thing that everyone will say at my funeral is how much I love your dad and that I never said anything bad about him.” Being the wonderful daughter that I am, I looked at her and laughed. “No, it won’t!” I scoffed. And my mom, always prepared for a debate, leaned in with a smile ready to challenge me with, “Fine. What will they say then?” With complete confidence I said, “The first thing anyone will say is that Karan always told the truth, whether you wanted to hear it or not.”

We still laugh about that now. Especially when someone comments on how they can always count on her for the truth. What I wonder, is do we all have someone in our life to speak truth to us whether we want to hear it or not? Just yesterday my mom stopped by at my house. I have been having a hard time health wise for a while. The last few days for me have not been great. We talked for a bit and then she prayed over me, but after she laid down some hard truths for me. “You’re out of order,” she said, connecting my health to my spiritual walk. That was like a slap in the face for me. Why? Because I already had the conviction. I already knew this was true, but I was unwilling to be obedient.

I had been willingly and openly disobedient to something that God had already convicted me on. Something that had so consumed me that I put everything else off. I had ignored God. I ignored my husband. I ignored my children. I ignored the duties that I have as both a wife and mother. I had focused only on myself and put everything out of order. The words she spoke stung. She spoke a few more truths and then left. I immediately went to my room to confess and repent.

Without her hard truth, would I have been able to? I doubt I would have. In fact, I know I wouldn’t have. How do I know? I had already done it once. I had already rid myself of the thing that God convicted me of only to turn around and do it again. It was willful disobedience. I had become consumed by something. But when my mom told that sacrifice is to lay it on the altar to be consumed by the fire, I knew then and there what I had to do. What had consumed me must be laid down and consumed now by the fire.

Truth is rarely something people want to hear. In fact, our society today doesn’t even like the word truth. It’s a relative term now. But as a Christ follower, truth can never be subjective. And I need the truth to be spoken to me. It’s so hard to act alone. Sometimes we need someone to come beside us and tell us what we already know. Did I want to hear what my mom said to me? No, I didn’t. Did I need to hear what my mom said to me? Yes, I absolutely did. Do you have someone in your life that can and will speak truth to you whether you want to hear it or not? Have you only surrounded yourself with people who tickle your ear and help you justify your sin? What good will that do if you have? I’ll tell you this, I’d much rather have a few minutes of the sting of truth rather than a lifetime of the weight of guilt. What would you choose?

Ephesians 4:25

“What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.”

(The Message Bible)

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to share my testimony. I had to start from the beginning which means I spoke about how I grew up in the church, went to a Christian school, was discipled and so on. I have never known a time when God was not a part of my life. However, during that time, God was never mine. Don’t get me wrong, I knew God. I just didn’t know Him personally. Everything I knew of God was things that I had heard or witnessed through my mom. It was her walk that I relied upon. Sadly, I had to admit that I was content with that. Having to say that out loud though bothered me the rest of the day.

My mom is an incredible woman. Her strength and confidence in God and the Word are unmatched. She is sure and speaks with authority. She had women that used to refer to her as the “General”. She sees the spiritual battle that rages all around us. It’s black or white, right or wrong, life or death. There is no in-between. But as someone who has so many looking to her, she must be that way. She is a leader. I, however, am not. So why try?

I was content in letting her walk be my spiritual walk because I knew that I could never measure up to her. I always thought that there’s no way I can ever compare to her, so why try? I am not her. What I didn’t realize though, is that I’m not meant to be her. While she sees the spiritual battle, I see a Disney princess movie. I don’t see black and white, but rather an explosion of every color. I see flowers surrounding the castle I’m locked up in, looking out to see my Prince on His white steed, standing on the clouds, coming to rescue me. In honesty, the exact opposite of my mom.

I remember sitting at a retreat at our church and listening to someone speak about unhealthy comparison. I knew that they were speaking to me, because a few weeks before our retreat, I had been asked to consider leading a group of women in a study. I didn’t want to accept because there’s no way I could lead like my mom. As I sat listening, I heard God very clearly say to me that I am not meant to be my mom. He already has her, why would He want another one exactly like her? He showed me that I’ve had the blessing of watching her, but I have my own personality and experiences that were meant to make me different.

I am not my mom and I am no longer content to sit and let her walk with God be all that I experience of Him. I am a new creation, not a replication. I have a double portion of blessing because of my mom. Her faithfulness to stand in her role has allowed me to see what all a “General” does, but I am not a fighter. That is not my position. As I am learning to put that comparison to rest, I wait in anticipation for Him to show me what my position will be. I challenge you today to realize that you are a new creation! Do not find contentment in comparison, but rather find yourself in Him!

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”

Isaiah 43:19

When we moved back to Texas, I was so excited about my son going to school. I have always looked forward to working on school crafts and field trips and programs. So, when my sons kindergarten field trip came up, I couldn’t wait to go. I remember pulling up to the school that morning and parking my car as I waited for the buses to go so that I could follow. I sat in my car and watched all the other moms arriving. But soon my joy became an overwhelming sadness. I watched as moms got out of the car and walked to another one to ride together. I watched as they laughed walking from car to car to say hello. I watched as I sat in my car, alone. I didn’t know anyone. I felt so alone. I’m ashamed to say that I cried that morning in my car.

I keep hearing the word community everywhere. It’s bombarding me everywhere I go. And it’s because of this word that I shared my pity party story. Two years ago, I cried sitting in my car at my son’s school. My loneliness almost robbed me of the joy of that special day with my child. Last week, I went to my daughter’s kindergarten field trip. I sat in the car line and talked on the phone for a minute with a friend. I walked in with friends. I met friends inside.

I have written before about the importance of community and my longing for it. The past couple of weeks, God has shown me the community that I so desired. He saw my tears. He has blessed me beyond what I had even hoped for. If I’m truthful, I feel as though I don’t deserve it. How ridiculous I was then. But God, in all His greatness, decided to show me how much He loves me. First, with my daughter’s birthday party. When I was stressed, friends walked in and immediately started helping and even helped me clean up. When I needed help with my youngest daughter so that I could go on the field trip, a friend kept her child home from school to play with mine. My list could go on and on.

Genesis 2:18 tells us that, “It is not good that man should be alone.” Yes, in context, this is when God made Eve for Adam as his helpmate. But it goes beyond that as well. We are not meant to walk through this life alone. Seclusion is such a dangerous thing. To be lost in our own mind, we find ourselves crying in our solitude. Fueling only pity for ourselves. This is not what He calls us to.

Even now, as I sit watching the cartoon version of the Grinch, I can’t help but laugh. He was secluded until one little girl reminded him that people are what is important. He was mean and angry until he found people to do life with. Who reminds you of that? When you shut yourself off from others, who pulls you out of the darkness and back to His everlasting joy? If you have that community, cherish it. Take every opportunity that you have to be a part of it. If you don’t have it, search it out. Cry out to God for it. He will answer the cries of your heart!

I am admittedly not very good at sitting and waiting. Don’t get me wrong, I am a very patient person, but I like to be moving and doing. Unless it’s housework. Then I’m happy to sit and wait. But that’s beside the point! Where I really struggle with waiting is in my spiritual walk. I feel like I was on a path to something in ministry, but then as my mom puts it, I got put on a shelf. Waiting is so hard to do. But He keeps putting it in my face. And not just to wait but to wait joyfully. To enjoy Him.

This morning I had to drive into Dallas. With the car all to myself, I turned on a song I’ve listened to a probably a thousand times. It’s a beautiful song that has always made me think of the Shulamite with King Solomon, but today it was different. I heard Mary and Martha in it. The first part of this song is all about what can I do for you? What can I bring to you? I thought to myself, that’s me. I’m constantly in search of the next thing that I can do for God. Wondering what’s next? What is my calling? Give me a purpose! I’m Martha, looking for work to do for Him instead of just enjoying Him.

The song changes though and says “You don’t have to do a thing. Simply be with me. My heart burns for you. I’m in love with you.” And that was it. I heard these lines with new ears. This is Jesus singing to me. Can you imagine how different that story in the Bible would have been if Jesus had simply grabbed Martha by the wrist and told her to sit down and do nothing. That His heart burned for her. I imagine her stopping and looking into His eyes and she slowly slinks to the floor in amazement that the Son of God would tell her that He’s in love with her.

It’s the same for me today. I drove back with tears flowing down my face as I listened to the Creator of the Universe tell me that I don’t have to do anything. But my focus has been on myself and on my works, I have pulled away thinking there’s more to do. I can hear the desperation as the song cries out, “My heart burns for you!” I can hear Him yelling it to me, desperately trying to grab my attention as I’m distracted. I think of the heartbreak I bring on Him as I ignore His words. He simply wants time with me. He doesn’t ask for another blog or another Bible study. He’s in love with me. He wants me.

I know we’ve all heard the story of Mary and Martha. We know the difference between the two. I know Mary’s, they are Godly women who sit at His feet, spending hours upon hours in His presence. Soaking Him up because their heart too burns for Him. He didn’t grab Martha’s wrist and pull her back to Him, but I know He grabbed mine. He has pulled me in to tell me that He is in love with me. Stop asking what I can do. Stop trying to figure out what my purpose is, what my calling is, what my gifting is. Stop.

Will I heed the cries of the One who loves me, or will I be too distracted by the work that I want to do? As a Martha, I choose today to join Mary sitting on the floor at His feet. Telling Him too that my heart burns for Him.

When my husband and I moved our family to Louisiana 5 years ago, we went with the hope of great financial gain. The first year, we were blessed. Unfortunately, we weren’t well acquainted with the fickleness of the oil field yet. Things quickly went downhill, and, in our youthfulness, we had not prepared for it. When my husband eventually fell victim to the lay off’s, we struggled to keep afloat. He did find work, but the income was not quite enough to comfortably support a family of 5. We did all we could to survive. We were trying to get on food stamps and had even begun looking for facilities to donate plasma to make just a few extra dollars.

When we were given the opportunity to move back to the Dallas area, we were overjoyed at the idea of being relieved of these burdens. I remember the first time I looked in to my fridge that was full of food. Astounded by the goodness of God. We had survived so long on rice and hot dogs that seeing a fridge full of a variety of food, was overwhelming. We went from not being able to afford our $400 a month mortgage on our mobile home to renting a large beautiful home in one of my favorite neighborhoods.

But now I found myself in a place of complacency and ungratefulness. I find now that I get tired of eating at home. I find that our house is too small. I need an extra bedroom. There’s no access to the backyard except through my bedroom which is frustrating. I’ve been trying to find a way to make more money because we don’t make “enough.” Just like the Israelites, God brought me out of Egypt and rained down manna from heaven yet I still grumble and complain.

How quickly my blessings to turned to complaints. How quickly I forgot the goodness of God! I was cleaning my house just this past Friday when I looked around. The sunlight poured in through the many windows. I had candles burning, filling the house with the scent of fall. Worship music was playing in the background as my youngest daughter asked to help me clean. A wave of conviction flooded over me as I heard God ask, “When did this become not enough?” When did it? I looked around at the lives of others and compared myself to them. Yes, my home was a blessing, but now it’s not enough. We have been blessed financially, but now it’s not enough.

With the coming holiday season of thanksgiving, I am convicted and humbled to look once more to the many blessings He has given me. Time should have no effect on my thankfulness. It’s been two years. I should still be praising God for His faithfulness. I should be praising Him for those specific blessings 60 years from now. My thanksgiving should never end. I encourage you, look around once more, be reminded of the place where God brought you from, whether it was 1 hour ago or 15 years ago. Let’s find ourselves in a place of humility to offer thanks to the God who provides! I praise God with new thanks for old blessings!

“I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High.”

Psalm 9:1-2

I had surgery recently. In the process of recovering I’ve been very careful so as not to let my children see any of the stitches or bruising that has occurred as a result. The other day though, my 4-year-old barged in my closet as I was changing and saw the bruises. The first thing that came out of her mouth was, “You should tell your mom.” I instantly started smiling at the way her mind worked. Naturally any time someone is hurt like that, they should tell their mom or dad.

But my thought process changed the more I thought about her immediate response. When I’m hurt, do I tell my Father? I thought of the bruising that I have carefully and intentionally kept hidden. Making sure no one would see it. I haven’t even really let my husband see. I thought, how often do we keep our bruises hidden from everyone around us? We carefully wrap them up so as not to let anyone see how badly we may be injured. Some of us go as far as to try to even hide them from God.

However, isn’t that the point of having a Father? Someone to run to when we get knocked down. My children always come running immediately to me crying even over the slightest scratch. Why, as adults, do we not do the same thing? You’re hurt. Run and tell your Dad! Who can comfort you better than a loving Father? He may pick you up in His arms and tell you everything will be okay. He may look and tell you that you’re fine and to move on, just as I do with my children. He may unwrap the hurt so that it can heal properly. He may expose it to others.

From the slightest scratch to the deepest cut, you should tell your Dad!

“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds” declares the Lord.”

Jeremiah 30:17

Do you ever feel yourself get into a funk and you’re not sure why? I can’t explain the reasoning, but I have felt so off lately. Not myself. You find yourself just simply going through the motions, but you have a hard time being you. It’s not been a depression, but I have just been off for the last couple of months. I haven’t felt much like interacting with friends and have had to force myself out of my bubble. Even my mom has commented on how I didn’t seem like myself.
It wasn’t until the last weekend that it all sort of came crashing in. With my parents out of town and my husband away at drill for the weekend, I was alone with all 3 kids. We stayed in all day Saturday, which meant I didn’t really leave my bed. A friend invited us over for dinner and though I didn’t have dinner planned and the food sounded good, the idea of getting out of my pajamas was just awful. Another friend texted me all day about joining her family for a fun outing all day Sunday. I couldn’t respond because I couldn’t decide.
When Sunday morning came around, I began to get ready. I didn’t know if I would go with my friend or if I would go to church. All I know is that I was getting dressed for something. As the time to leave grew close, I just felt a pull at my heart to leave for church. I needed God. I told my kids to get dressed for church and texted my friend that we would not be joining her. After dropping my kids off in the children area, I made my way to the sanctuary. I found a seat off to the side by myself just as the worship began. Right then, I felt my heart lighten.
I closed my eyes and sang along knowing it was exactly what my heart had been needing. I sang about His wonderful name and then I stopped. I was overwhelmed with how good He is. I could only think of how grateful I am to have Him. What do people do when they fall into that trap of nothingness? How hopeless they must feel! I have God to call on. I must only speak His name and my soul rejoices!
I smiled at the thought of this. Just a few weeks ago, my sweet 5-year-old was covered in ant bites. Her foot had swelled up and she was walking funny. When I asked her if she was okay, her response to me was astounding. “I’m glad I have God” she said. We prayed and asked God to heal her foot but her words have stuck since and Sunday morning they hit me. I’m so glad I have God.
My soul rejoiced at His name and in His perfect presence. I haven’t felt like myself because I haven’t been spending as much time with Him. To ignore Him is to ignore myself. I can not find myself again until I focus on Him. But I need not worry because I have Him. He is mine. This is my hope. I can speak His name and immediately I begin to find myself again because He is there.

Normally here I would extend a challenge but today I tell you to be encouraged! Should you find yourself temporarily lost, remember that you have hope. You must only call on Him and your soul will rejoice at the sound of it. Be glad today that you have God!

“The joy of the Lord is your strength.” This piece of scripture from Nehemiah 8:10 seemed to jump out at me today in my devotional. The joy of the Lord. How could joy be strength? I couldn’t help but laugh thinking about how when my kids get mad over ridiculous things, my mom will tell them to smile. Not to sound like a cruel parent, but it’s quite amusing to watch them dig their heels in to try to not smile. In truth, it’s actually very difficult to smile when you’re mad. However, when you finally give in it’s incredibly difficult to be mad when you’re smiling.

How does this tie back into that scripture? Their joy overcomes their anger and it becomes their strength. It feels fitting to me because exactly 3 years ago today I loaded all 3 of my children up in the car along with our Great Dane to drive the 6 hours from Lafayette to Rockwall for my youngest daughters’ surgery. The two months prior had been filled with worry, anger, frustration and confusion. Although God had already promised me that He was my Comfort, my Peace, my Hope and my Joy, I still wasn’t able to see those over the emotions of fear I was feeling.

My mom and I spoke about this just this past Sunday. God is never anything other than good. That’s exactly what He said when He revealed Himself to Moses. In Exodus 33:19 saying that, “I will cause My goodness to pass in front of you.” He is so good! This is exactly what God had asked me during that difficult time. Am I good? And when I was able to answer that with yes, He told me to praise Him. To find the joy in worshipping His goodness. Only then was my fear overtaken by His joy. And His joy did in fact become my strength.

I no longer saw anything other than my God and His goodness! I was able to rise in the strength of knowing that my child was in the hands of her wonderfully good Father. I found joy again in Him. And as more information came in after her surgery, I was able to praise Him more and more. My heart could have burst with the joyous news that we continued to receive even weeks after her surgery.

It’s not an easy thing to smile when you’re mad or afraid. It’s a decision we must make. What will you decide for today? Will you continue to wallow in whatever situation you find yourself in? Or will you fight through it to find your smile and in turn, find your strength in His perfect joy? When we let go of the burdens of this world and decide to trust in His goodness, we find a joy unlike any other. A joy that renders us unshakable with its strength is unmatched! Let go of what burdens you and find strength in His wonderous joy!