Dancing in the darkness. It’s a phrase that my mom and I have been using the last several weeks. It started last month when the electricity went out. The daytime was fine, but when night came and the electricity had still not come back on, we worked to gather every candle we could to light up the house as much as possible. Taking turns to stand in front of the fireplace to warm up, my daughters took turns to dance with their Papa. We loved that though we were freezing in a dark house, we could still find joy enough to dance. Dancing in the darkness.

It was even more so because a short 10 months ago, doctors had told us that my dad would most likely not be here to experience that moment. With the question of life and death looming over our family, it’s naturally hard to find moments of joy. You don’t want to dance, you don’t want to sing, you sometimes don’t even want to laugh. You’re scared and it’s hard to put that fear behind you.

Yet God requires praise. Whether you praise Him through worship, through dance, through prayer…we must praise Him. We praise through the fear. That is what He taught me when my youngest daughter needed major surgery on a condition that was fatal. Despite my fear, He required me to simply praise Him through my fear. Despite my dad’s diagnosis, as a family we praised God through the fear and fight for his life. We learned how to “dance in the darkness” as that is not something that comes naturally when you’re fearful.

And so last week, when my dad went back for his 6-month MRI scan, the darkness was gone. The doctor himself said he couldn’t medically say that the tumor was gone, but he could not find traces of it. It is a miracle that science cannot explain! All that remained was scar tissue. And how does scar tissue look on an MRI scan? It’s white. As I looked at the image of his scans all I could hear was God saying that the light has overtaken the darkness. How beautiful that we must simply praise Him in the dark moments until the light overtakes it? What a beautiful picture of our loving King!

I don’t know why hard things happen. I don’t know why there is disease and death. I don’t know why God heals some and takes others. All I know is that we were not meant to know these things. These are all a result of the fall in the garden. This was not God’s original plan. But what I do know is that when the world tells us to curse God and die just as Job’s wife did (Job 2:9), we say “No. I will praise Him and live!”

Despite the paralyzing fear of what lies ahead, we must find the strength to stand up and dance in the darkness. For the Light has come to overtake the darkness and He is victorious!

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

You know that popular saying, “When God closes a door, sometimes He opens a window”? I was laying in bed the other night asking God what He’s doing in my life. What is the purpose in all these hard and difficult things? And when that quote popped in my head, I thought, yeah right! Sometimes He closes the door so we just have to stand in the room we’re in and wait.

What I realized was that I was in the never fun “waiting” period. He revealed to me that He has in fact closed the door on a great many things in my life. My husband deployed, my dog gone and now we’re technically homeless. I laid in bed trying to understand why? Thinking on Isaiah 43:18-19, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” This was a verse that God gave to me 3 years ago when I moved back to Texas after my “wilderness” journey in Louisiana.

I had thought that after that journey I would get a small break from life’s trials. Why I thought that, I have no idea! Instead, my family has taken hit after hit. And when I say that, I mean quite literally there has been something every single month for the past 12 months. And now I find myself sitting in a room with the door almost slammed shut in my face. I was about to walk through when God said nope! There is no choice, but to sit back down and ask why and how much longer? He tells me to just wait. He’ll open the door again when He’s ready.

Ugh! That’s the answer that most all believers can’t stand; wait. How long do I have to wait? What’s next? What do you have for me? Why do I have to wait? Why do things happen to me when I am waiting? Is there another door I should go through instead? Why did you close that door in the first place? Do you have purpose in this? The list of questions could seemingly go on forever.

There are no other doors for Him to open right now. There are no windows either. I stand in a dark room with only one way in or out and He has closed it for now. I can not even find my way back to the door if I wanted to because there is no light. I don’t know if I need to go forward or backward, to the right or to the left. I am at a complete standstill and can only ask questions to the One who knows.

Waiting is never fun, but to wait in the dark feels even worse. I find myself asking every day what His plan is. Every day asking why these things are happening. Yet I am comforted in the fact that He is listening and speaking. It may not be the answer that I want, but He’s speaking. “Wait for Me.” “I have purpose in this for you.” “Remember that I am good.” “I am doing something new.” “I am your provider.” “I told you that I would be your husband while he is gone.” “Your children belonged to Me first so I will take care of them.” “I am your shelter.”

It may not be words telling me which direction to go in, but He is speaking. And soon, that door will fling open and I will finally get to know what new thing He is doing!