Yesterday, I had the opportunity to share my testimony. I had to start from the beginning which means I spoke about how I grew up in the church, went to a Christian school, was discipled and so on. I have never known a time when God was not a part of my life. However, during that time, God was never mine. Don’t get me wrong, I knew God. I just didn’t know Him personally. Everything I knew of God was things that I had heard or witnessed through my mom. It was her walk that I relied upon. Sadly, I had to admit that I was content with that. Having to say that out loud though bothered me the rest of the day.
My mom is an incredible woman. Her strength and confidence in God and the Word are unmatched. She is sure and speaks with authority. She had women that used to refer to her as the “General”. She sees the spiritual battle that rages all around us. It’s black or white, right or wrong, life or death. There is no in-between. But as someone who has so many looking to her, she must be that way. She is a leader. I, however, am not. So why try?
I was content in letting her walk be my spiritual walk because I knew that I could never measure up to her. I always thought that there’s no way I can ever compare to her, so why try? I am not her. What I didn’t realize though, is that I’m not meant to be her. While she sees the spiritual battle, I see a Disney princess movie. I don’t see black and white, but rather an explosion of every color. I see flowers surrounding the castle I’m locked up in, looking out to see my Prince on His white steed, standing on the clouds, coming to rescue me. In honesty, the exact opposite of my mom.
I remember sitting at a retreat at our church and listening to someone speak about unhealthy comparison. I knew that they were speaking to me, because a few weeks before our retreat, I had been asked to consider leading a group of women in a study. I didn’t want to accept because there’s no way I could lead like my mom. As I sat listening, I heard God very clearly say to me that I am not meant to be my mom. He already has her, why would He want another one exactly like her? He showed me that I’ve had the blessing of watching her, but I have my own personality and experiences that were meant to make me different.
I am not my mom and I am no longer content to sit and let her walk with God be all that I experience of Him. I am a new creation, not a replication. I have a double portion of blessing because of my mom. Her faithfulness to stand in her role has allowed me to see what all a “General” does, but I am not a fighter. That is not my position. As I am learning to put that comparison to rest, I wait in anticipation for Him to show me what my position will be. I challenge you today to realize that you are a new creation! Do not find contentment in comparison, but rather find yourself in Him!
“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”
Isaiah 43:19
Sunshine and Whispers 