Do you ever feel yourself get into a funk and you’re not sure why? I can’t explain the reasoning, but I have felt so off lately. Not myself. You find yourself just simply going through the motions, but you have a hard time being you. It’s not been a depression, but I have just been off for the last couple of months. I haven’t felt much like interacting with friends and have had to force myself out of my bubble. Even my mom has commented on how I didn’t seem like myself.
It wasn’t until the last weekend that it all sort of came crashing in. With my parents out of town and my husband away at drill for the weekend, I was alone with all 3 kids. We stayed in all day Saturday, which meant I didn’t really leave my bed. A friend invited us over for dinner and though I didn’t have dinner planned and the food sounded good, the idea of getting out of my pajamas was just awful. Another friend texted me all day about joining her family for a fun outing all day Sunday. I couldn’t respond because I couldn’t decide.
When Sunday morning came around, I began to get ready. I didn’t know if I would go with my friend or if I would go to church. All I know is that I was getting dressed for something. As the time to leave grew close, I just felt a pull at my heart to leave for church. I needed God. I told my kids to get dressed for church and texted my friend that we would not be joining her. After dropping my kids off in the children area, I made my way to the sanctuary. I found a seat off to the side by myself just as the worship began. Right then, I felt my heart lighten.
I closed my eyes and sang along knowing it was exactly what my heart had been needing. I sang about His wonderful name and then I stopped. I was overwhelmed with how good He is. I could only think of how grateful I am to have Him. What do people do when they fall into that trap of nothingness? How hopeless they must feel! I have God to call on. I must only speak His name and my soul rejoices!
I smiled at the thought of this. Just a few weeks ago, my sweet 5-year-old was covered in ant bites. Her foot had swelled up and she was walking funny. When I asked her if she was okay, her response to me was astounding. “I’m glad I have God” she said. We prayed and asked God to heal her foot but her words have stuck since and Sunday morning they hit me. I’m so glad I have God.
My soul rejoiced at His name and in His perfect presence. I haven’t felt like myself because I haven’t been spending as much time with Him. To ignore Him is to ignore myself. I can not find myself again until I focus on Him. But I need not worry because I have Him. He is mine. This is my hope. I can speak His name and immediately I begin to find myself again because He is there.

Normally here I would extend a challenge but today I tell you to be encouraged! Should you find yourself temporarily lost, remember that you have hope. You must only call on Him and your soul will rejoice at the sound of it. Be glad today that you have God!

“The joy of the Lord is your strength.” This piece of scripture from Nehemiah 8:10 seemed to jump out at me today in my devotional. The joy of the Lord. How could joy be strength? I couldn’t help but laugh thinking about how when my kids get mad over ridiculous things, my mom will tell them to smile. Not to sound like a cruel parent, but it’s quite amusing to watch them dig their heels in to try to not smile. In truth, it’s actually very difficult to smile when you’re mad. However, when you finally give in it’s incredibly difficult to be mad when you’re smiling.

How does this tie back into that scripture? Their joy overcomes their anger and it becomes their strength. It feels fitting to me because exactly 3 years ago today I loaded all 3 of my children up in the car along with our Great Dane to drive the 6 hours from Lafayette to Rockwall for my youngest daughters’ surgery. The two months prior had been filled with worry, anger, frustration and confusion. Although God had already promised me that He was my Comfort, my Peace, my Hope and my Joy, I still wasn’t able to see those over the emotions of fear I was feeling.

My mom and I spoke about this just this past Sunday. God is never anything other than good. That’s exactly what He said when He revealed Himself to Moses. In Exodus 33:19 saying that, “I will cause My goodness to pass in front of you.” He is so good! This is exactly what God had asked me during that difficult time. Am I good? And when I was able to answer that with yes, He told me to praise Him. To find the joy in worshipping His goodness. Only then was my fear overtaken by His joy. And His joy did in fact become my strength.

I no longer saw anything other than my God and His goodness! I was able to rise in the strength of knowing that my child was in the hands of her wonderfully good Father. I found joy again in Him. And as more information came in after her surgery, I was able to praise Him more and more. My heart could have burst with the joyous news that we continued to receive even weeks after her surgery.

It’s not an easy thing to smile when you’re mad or afraid. It’s a decision we must make. What will you decide for today? Will you continue to wallow in whatever situation you find yourself in? Or will you fight through it to find your smile and in turn, find your strength in His perfect joy? When we let go of the burdens of this world and decide to trust in His goodness, we find a joy unlike any other. A joy that renders us unshakable with its strength is unmatched! Let go of what burdens you and find strength in His wonderous joy!

I haven’t written anything in a while as I’ve had this feeling of being a bit lost lately. My faith in God has not wavered, but I feel as though He has been silent. And the silence makes me uncomfortable. In the quiet is when our fears can begin to prey upon us. Am I still hearing Him? Am I still good enough? Where are you Lord? Have I failed?

I’ll be completely honest with you. I feel as though I have failed Him. And the enemy has used this to attack me. Not saying that God doesn’t love me, but how can God use me? I know that God uses mighty imperfect people, but I am not mighty enough to be one of them. I don’t spend enough time talking to God. I don’t spend enough time in the Word. I can’t even decide on what church to go to. How could I ever become the kind of failure that God could use?

It wasn’t until this last Sunday that I heard God rebuke the lies the of the enemy. Do we look for God after the failure? It was a question I already knew the answer to, but do I really? I read a quote recently from The Office that I haven’t been able to shake, “Not everything’s a lesson. Sometimes you just fail.” Sometimes I do just fail.

There’s not always some big aha moment. There’s not always a wonderful lesson to be learned or shared. I just simply fail. But what do I do afterwards? Do I sit and let the enemy speak lies to me? Do I make covenant with him in agreeing that I am a useless failure? Or do I look to the One who created me? Do I seek out the loving grace of my Father who tells me that it’s okay that I failed today? Where do we go?

I would say tomorrow is a new day and while it is, it’s a new day to fail as well. I love Lamentations 3:22 – 23, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassion’s never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” Every day it is new, because it must be. We are imperfect people.

The lies that the enemy has whispered to me don’t matter to God. Does He want me to speak more often to Him? Yes! Would He like it if I spent more time in His word? Of course! Does He want me in church? Absolutely! However, none of these things are detrimental to my relationship with Him or His ability to use me.

I have failed Him every day of my life and will continue to do so. I must simply remember to look to Him and for Him after I do. Whether in the big life lesson fails or in the daily just because failings!