Drained

I’m going to be very honest with you. The last few days I feel as though I have been failing at life. My husband has been gone now for only 15 days. That sounds so short, but it feels so long. I am exhausted. I feel so drained. When I got home in the afternoon after getting kids to and from VBS and work and then lunch with friends, I was ready to climb into bed. That’s precisely what I did too. I plugged in my laptop and worked from the comfort of my bed. After a little while, my son came into my room with his jeans covered in ketchup. I went upstairs to see the damage and sure enough, there is bright red ketchup all over my white rug. I lost it.

By the time my kids were in their rooms, I was on the verge of tears. I immediately grab my phone because I need to talk to my best friend who lives in all the way in Georgia. I tell her I’m about to cry and sure enough, the tears come. I’m failing. I know they didn’t mean to get ketchup on my rug. It’s only a rug. But a culmination of the stresses of life have boiled to its final explosion. And now I’m crying because I reacted the way I did.

I told her that I’m beyond drained. My house is a disaster. I don’t feel good. I have needed to change the oil in my car for over a week now. I have absolutely no food in my house at all but haven’t had a chance to go to the grocery store. My rent check was late. My allergy to my dog has flared up. I need just a few minutes to myself. I am physically drained. I am emotionally drained. I mentioned that I had a Bible study to go to in the morning and that’s when I realized, I’m spiritually drained.

When I ended my video to her, I thought to myself I need to pray about everything I’m feeling. I haven’t yet. I have listened to worship, but I’ve gotten so accustomed to putting it on in the background that I almost don’t even hear it anymore. What good is that doing me? When my phone goes off, I put the thought to pray to the back of my mind as I’m more interested in hearing from my friend. Shame on me. What can she do for me other than pray? Something tangible she says. I’m convicted again because I still haven’t prayed. Prayer is tangible.

As I’m praying I tell God that I need my husband home. I need God to help me get through. I feel Him correct me. No, I don’t need my husband home, I want him home. There is a difference. I do however need God. The way that I feel is something that can only be healed by Him. He created my body and is the only One who can speak to it. He is the only One that can fill the void that I’m feeling. He is the only One that can give me rest. I prayed knowing that if I spend time with Him, He will refresh my soul. And in my soul being refreshed, my spirit will be. And with my spirit will come my body.

Tomorrow is a new day.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30