Do you ever have those days where you wake up super early and just can’t go back to sleep? I had that this morning. I woke up at 5:30 and was wide awake. I looked on my phone for a bit before pulling out my devotional to focus on the Lord a little bit. The words mentioned a windy path behind us and for some reason my mind took me to the mountains.

I thought of when I first started learning to ski. As children they told me to “make a pizza” with my ski’s. They don’t take you up the mountain, but rather up a hill. When I “graduated’ from ski school I remember being so excited to go up the mountain. When we finally made it to the top you’re given choices of difficultly for your slopes. You start with green, work your way up to blue and eventually, if you’re confident enough, you go down a black diamond.

I remember not enjoying it. The people around me were going too fast. My mom would tell me to take long, wide turns. To find a rhythm and take my time going down. It didn’t matter which kind of slope I was on. If it pointed down the mountain it terrified me. The only part I enjoyed were the flat parts that nobody could fly past me. As a kid, my mom accidentally took my brother and I on a black diamond. We didn’t even bother. We simply kicked off our skis and scooted on our butt’s down the mountain.

I say all this to say that it reminds me so much of our relationship with God. As children learning, He won’t take us up on the mountain until He knows we’re ready. Once we’ve “graduated”, then it’s time to go up. Like skiing, you go up the mountain only to come back down and to go right back up again. Up and down, up and down. I loved the ski lift and going up the mountain. It was such a breathtaking sight. And just like the lift, God carries us up to the mountain top. There, we’re able to take in all His majesty.

When you get there, there are signs all over the place to point you in the right direction. Every path is clearly defined by a color to let you know how difficult it will be. Just like God gives us signs, words, scriptures and so on, to let us know what lies ahead. Some of us like to go slow, terrified of the slope even though it’s not steep at all. Some of us like to fly to the bottom, possibly taking one or two others down in the process. Some of us like to find a rhythm, taking long turns slowing working our way down. Some of us even give up and sit on our butts and scoot the whole way down.

The truth is that we must go down the mountain. You see, I may have enjoyed the flat part of the mountain, but it didn’t go anywhere, and I had to work twice as hard to get anywhere because there’s no momentum to propel you forward. If I don’t choose a path that takes me down the mountain, no matter how hard or scary it is, I won’t really get anywhere and if I do reach my destination I’m too worn out to do it again.

There is nothing like being on the mountain top. In a literal and spiritual sense. Don’t be afraid of the journey down. It will be hard and different paths will be harder than others. Just remember that it doesn’t matter how you get down, but rather that you simply go.

 

“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

*Side note: My son came in my bed as I was saying this into the voice recorder on my phone so I didn’t forget it. He came in a few minutes later having drawn it out for me.

I’m going to be very honest with you. The last few days I feel as though I have been failing at life. My husband has been gone now for only 15 days. That sounds so short, but it feels so long. I am exhausted. I feel so drained. When I got home in the afternoon after getting kids to and from VBS and work and then lunch with friends, I was ready to climb into bed. That’s precisely what I did too. I plugged in my laptop and worked from the comfort of my bed. After a little while, my son came into my room with his jeans covered in ketchup. I went upstairs to see the damage and sure enough, there is bright red ketchup all over my white rug. I lost it.

By the time my kids were in their rooms, I was on the verge of tears. I immediately grab my phone because I need to talk to my best friend who lives in all the way in Georgia. I tell her I’m about to cry and sure enough, the tears come. I’m failing. I know they didn’t mean to get ketchup on my rug. It’s only a rug. But a culmination of the stresses of life have boiled to its final explosion. And now I’m crying because I reacted the way I did.

I told her that I’m beyond drained. My house is a disaster. I don’t feel good. I have needed to change the oil in my car for over a week now. I have absolutely no food in my house at all but haven’t had a chance to go to the grocery store. My rent check was late. My allergy to my dog has flared up. I need just a few minutes to myself. I am physically drained. I am emotionally drained. I mentioned that I had a Bible study to go to in the morning and that’s when I realized, I’m spiritually drained.

When I ended my video to her, I thought to myself I need to pray about everything I’m feeling. I haven’t yet. I have listened to worship, but I’ve gotten so accustomed to putting it on in the background that I almost don’t even hear it anymore. What good is that doing me? When my phone goes off, I put the thought to pray to the back of my mind as I’m more interested in hearing from my friend. Shame on me. What can she do for me other than pray? Something tangible she says. I’m convicted again because I still haven’t prayed. Prayer is tangible.

As I’m praying I tell God that I need my husband home. I need God to help me get through. I feel Him correct me. No, I don’t need my husband home, I want him home. There is a difference. I do however need God. The way that I feel is something that can only be healed by Him. He created my body and is the only One who can speak to it. He is the only One that can fill the void that I’m feeling. He is the only One that can give me rest. I prayed knowing that if I spend time with Him, He will refresh my soul. And in my soul being refreshed, my spirit will be. And with my spirit will come my body.

Tomorrow is a new day.

 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

I have been struggling trying to find a way to start this blog for a few days. I knew what I felt led to write about but could not find the right way to start it. But God (I love when I get to use that phrase) was gracious enough to reveal it to me this past Sunday. I sat in Sunday School and the teacher opened with the scripture from Romans 5 saying “we glory in tribulations”. The question was asked of how often do we really rejoice in our tribulations?

The definition of glory is “adoring praise or worshipful thanksgiving”. We so often confuse that with rejoicing meaning we must be joyful and glad, but, we must simply praise and worship God through them. It’s fitting for me since exactly 3 years ago, God challenged me with just that. As I struggled with understanding what was happening with my youngest child, God asked me if I could praise Him through it.

I recently found a new song called “Isaac” by Hollyn. It is special to me since I identify so strongly to Abraham with Virginia being my Isaac. In the song she sings, “I have loved him before you have.” I think about Abraham’s internal struggle as he bound his son and laid him on the altar. I think about God telling Abraham that He loved Isaac far before Abraham did. And I believe in that Abraham found the strength to praise God during that tribulation.

My mind wanders back to my own internal struggle. My unwillingness to let go of my daughter and give her back to the God who loved her before I did. I didn’t understand Romans 5:3 or rather I didn’t want to. How could I rejoice or find joy in my circumstance? But God released me from the misunderstanding and explained to me that I must only praise Him.

My circumstances did not change. My daughter’s life was still in question. The doctors could still give us no real answers. All we could do was wait. But as I was able to “glory” in the waiting. I found hope just as Romans 5:4 said I would. The definition of hope is “to believe, desire or trust”. I believed that God would take care of her. I desired to praise Him. I trusted that all things would work out exactly as He intended.

Whatever trial you face, do not worry about being joyful through it. In fact, it’s okay to be broken and sorrowful. But take your sorrow to your Father and turn it into praise. We glory in the tribulation so that we may rejoice with Him afterward.

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5