This morning hit me a little harder than I expected. I have been preparing for this day for months now. I have been talking about it like it was nothing. We’ve been apart many times before, so why would this time be any different? For those of you that don’t know, my husband is in the military. Today is a day we have been preparing for. However, I was not prepared for my children’s reactions. I suppose they were all too young to understand his absence in the past.

My son was upset last night and wanted to pray for my husband while he’s gone. This morning my oldest daughter was attached to daddy’s leg and wouldn’t let go. I can’t begin to tell you the emotions that flowed through me as I was caught off guard.

I am mentally prepared to handle the task ahead, but I do not look forward to it. I take comfort in knowing that this will be of short duration compared to the past. Much of my struggles come a feeling of a lack of community. Now I don’t want to discount the wonderful friends that I do have, but comparatively it’s not the same as it had been in the past.

My husband and I have been desperately searching for a church community to belong to as we did back in Lafayette. We have found something in the interim, at least for me, but relationships have not been formed. I do find it interesting though that this past Sunday they spoke on exactly that. Community. He spoke on Acts 17 and how when the difficult times came, people always got Paul out of harms way. They helped him.

As I look forward to what the coming weeks bring, do I have that community? When the feelings of my short comings begin to drown me, do I have people to help? When the overwhelming stress of motherhood begins to drown me, who will help me escape? Who will point me back to the only One who can help me?

I’ve written before in the past about the importance of community. Exodus 17 clearly lies that out as when Moses grew tired, Aaron and Hur came beside him to raise up his arms. Yes, I have friends that I could call on, but I am missing a community of believers that to help hold me. We are meant to be in church for this purpose. To come beside and stand by one another through the hard times.

I can honestly say I never thought much of it, until I had one. I never knew the difference they could make. I miss them more than I could put into words. I look forward to finding a new one. I look with anticipation to the relationships that God will form for me so that next year, when my husband is deployed I will not have the same feeling that I do today. I look forward to finding my people.

Last week I had the blessing of going to see Hillsong United live. I’ll admit that I haven’t really listened to a lot of their music, but I did know a few of their songs. As I listened to this incredibly gifted group of individuals use their gifts to glorify God, I became overwhelmed. Our seats were off to the side, but close to the front. I had the perfect seat to scan and look out to the rest of the people that had gathered to worship alongside Hillsong.

The best way to describe it is to use a line from one of Hillsong’s own songs. The lyric is “so I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned”. A sea of people was standing for nearly the entirety of the 3-hour worship performance. Arms were raised high in praise of “the One who gave it all”. Hearts were abandoned as His glorious name was shouted out from among the people.

There would be breaks in between the singing and people from the crowd would cry out the name of Jesus. The tone one man’s voice I can hear even now. His deep voice was distinct from a crowd of hundreds as he gave glory to God. He wasn’t emotional, but rather strong and sure of his Savior. It was a stark contrast to the man that stood right in front of me. He stood the whole time, but rather than being moved by the atmosphere he chose to Facebook live the entire thing. He was never able to raise his arms or voice in praise.

I sat in my chair overwhelmed. Do I give confidence to others through the sureness and strength I have in my Savior? What do people see of me when I stand in the crowd? Have I abandoned my own self to glorify Him or am I distracted by things of the world? Am I a participant or a spectator? I challenge not only myself but you as well. Let’s put down the distractions of the world and be present in His presence.