Sting Like A Bee

I’m sure each of you, like me, has grown up hearing the saying “you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.” It’s such an odd saying to catch on. Is there not something more appealing to use than flies? Why not something with puppies? I’d much rather be at the bottom of a puppy pile rather than in a swarm of flies, but I digress. The point of this saying is to say that you will attract people by being sweet rather than sour.

Last week I had a last-minute play date with a new friend. We sat on her couch as all 6 children ran around her house as though they’ve been locked in a room for a month. In between the screams of excitement, we managed to get in a few words. She had told me that she woke up in the early morning hours and couldn’t go back to sleep. She eventually decided to read an article and by the time her husband got up, she was sobbing.

The article was about how mothers can transfer their stress to their children if they are not careful. That as parents you should deal with it, so your children don’t pick up on it. Now, my friend has had a very stressful last few months. She’s had to deal with a few things that would be tough for any mom. I felt myself get irritated about this article and that she was made to feel guilty by it. Parenting is stressful enough without having someone tell you that you are probably failing at it and in the process messing up your children.

As she told me about how the article made her feel, I couldn’t help but think of something my mom had told me recently. She’s been reading a book about the prophetess Deborah. There’s a part in the book that speaks of being sweet like a honey bee or stinging like a wasp. That a honey bee creates something sweet and delicious that can be shared with many people. The wasp stings and brings only pain. You’ve read the scripture I’m sure that says your words have the power to bring life or death (Proverbs 18:21) and the depiction between the honey bee and the wasp is a perfect example.

I’ve had people speak death to me about circumstances and I always felt defeated and then second guess myself. I’ve had people speak life to me and I felt invigorated to continue through difficult circumstances. There’s a reason that the Bible tells us “the soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit” (Proverbs 15). I doubt the author of that article intended to crush anyone’s spirit, but often we’re not aware of the power of our words.

For myself even just yesterday, a worker at a grocery store told me I looked like I haven’t slept in four days. And while yes, I am exhausted, I didn’t need him to tell me that. I was already struggling yesterday not feeling too great about myself, but after his words were spoken I felt even worse. He didn’t intend that I’m sure, but his carelessness over his choice of words had a greater affect that he would have imagined.

I’m reminded of something my mom often says and forgive me if this upsets you. She says, “You don’t have to tell a fat person they’re fat, they already know.” That man yesterday didn’t have to tell me that I looked tired, I already knew that. The author of that article didn’t have to tell my friend that she’s passing her stress to her children, she already knows. This is where the saying “thank you captain obvious” comes in to play.

I encourage you today to be more cautious of your words. Don’t be like the wasp who brings only pain. The wasp does not die after stinging, it lives on and will continue to sting. Even the honey bee will sting, but only once and will leave behind something sweet.  You can still “sting” someone but make it sweet. Let us use Psalm 119:103 as our example, “How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth”. Give the choice of wasp or honey, let us sting like a bee.